I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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