just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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