I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
