you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
