what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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