gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
