I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
