I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
