checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
