and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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