Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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