i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
