I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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