Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
