I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
COCAINE IS GR8
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
