I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
