He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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