My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
