WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My liver just had a heart attack.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Boobs are out for the taking
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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