it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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