I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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