I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
