What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
