you didnt know i had herpes?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
