And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
