When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
