even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
