i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
