don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
