Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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