just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
