Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
