Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
