Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
no, he came in my armpit
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
