apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
