did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
