apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
