You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
