in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
