omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
