I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
