my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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