Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you win again, gameday.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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