it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
