Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
