Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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