Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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