don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
