Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
