I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
